choices

i guess i came back from taiwan a more superstitious person. okay maybe superstition is the wrong word to use. i came back a little more wiser, a little more devoted. that sounds much better isnt it, i made myself sound scary.

anyway, i realised i am the kind of person with a lot of aspirations. i have a lot of ideas that i want to materialise, but i do not have the conviction, ability or fervour to accomplish them. more like, i dont have the courage to convert the ideas into reality. i guess i was too protected in the first place to even venture out of my comfort zone.

and i thought i did venture a little out of my world, but i guess the reverse is true. how i wish i can go ahead and realise a little bit more of my aspirations.

i didnt choose medicine cos i was too timid. i din want to face the hostile environment, i din want to commit to working as a doctor. i merely wanted the glory, but i never wanted to sustain it. i din dare to, i couldnt do it.

i realised whatever i wished for would never come true because i never work hard for it in the first place. if only the reality isnt that complicated. if only it was a one-way route, one whereby i din have to make any choices. that's life, isnt it? because we are faced with so many decisions, we are often faced with the dilemma, whether or not we made the "right" decision.

because we are exposed to so many influences, my mindset changes with the changing environment too. i wanted to do so much more, but my every action seemed so restricted. my life has so many limits i couldnt remove, if only i was more a little more courageous.

life is a bed of roses.